I'm Bad at Life
by 2ndplaceracer
Summary: Julianne Briggs finds herself falling for a stranger: Ronnie Radke.
1. one

Rain fell as I walked into work from my car. I checked that all my hair was still in my bun, clocked in, and tossed my stuff in my locker. I muted my phone and slid it in my apron. The only person I was expecting to hear anything from would be my sister. She was heading to her first concert alone tonight. It worried me, but it was a school night so she knew she wouldn't get away with any shenanigans afterwards.

I did up the buttons on my shirt sleeves, hiding the tattoos beneath. Not that my boss cared, it just helped me feel more professional and focused for some reason.

The 8PM to close shift was never normally bad, and it made me feel like I could accomplish something in the day before heading to work, but I was never good at waking up the next morning.

I put away the clean glasses and shakers while looking around the empty bar. It would pick up within the next hour or two, but for now it was just prepping garnishes and stocking coolers.

Around 11, it was still slow, which was odd, but not terrible. A large group plowed through the door around this time. About 20 guys from my quick count. They were full of chatter to each other as they came up and ordered drinks, paying cash instead of starting tabs, and tipping pretty well. That was the benefit of knowing you stuff behind the bar.

As they all found seats, I realized one guy was hanging back, reading the chalkboard while everyone else ordered. Maybe he didn't know what he wanted. He fidgeted with his hair while I made a Gin Rickey for the guy in the blue sweater with the nose ring. It's somewhat embarrassing, but that's how I start tabs: physical descriptions, because I am terrible at remembering customers names.

Everyone had gotten their drinks and situated themselves around the bar and I watched for a moment at the family like comradery that was happening with them. I made my way down the bar to the last of their group.

"Having trouble deciding?" I asked with a smile.

"Yeah, a little bit." he admitted, leaning against the bar and placing tattooed hands on the counter.

Even though he was wearing a hoodie I could tell just from seeing his hands and neck that he was covered in tattoos. Not that I minded, I had just never seen many men pull it off so well without looking sleazy. I guess there's a first time for everything.

"250 kinds of whiskey is a bit of an intimidating selection," I replied, wiping the counter down from the last wave of drinks.

"Ain't that the truth," he agreed with a chuckle, and a shake of his head, "I'll just take a tonic and lime for now, thanks."

I made it in the same style of glass I made the Gin Rickey in to not make anything stand out. I get it when people don't want to drink and it was part of my job to be respectful of that.

He handed me his credit card, "just start a tab for me. Don't let any of them pay." he said, gesturing over his shoulder.

"Alright, I'll do my best," I said with a smile.

"What's your name?" he asked, as music began to play through the speakers from the jukebox.

"Julianne." I answered as I started his tab in the computer, placing the card in the register.

"My name's Ronnie." he offered, as he stuck his hand out.

I shook it, keeping my face hopefully less confused than I felt, "Hi, Ronnie."

He smiled then went to join his friends. I checked my phone quick to see Madelyn had made it home "safe and sound", as she put it.

Around 12, their large party were the only ones left in the bar, and even some of them were starting to leave. My tip jar was overflowing, but I couldn't do anything about it until they left. I had been told when I first started bartending that it was disrespectful to count your tips around customers. Plus it can really alter your mood.

When there were only five of them left, around 1 AM, Ronnie came and sat at the bar, as my manager came out of her office for the first time that night. She started bussing the parts of tables that I hadn't gotten to yet.

"I'll take a Gin and Tonic," he said, passing the empty glass across the bar to me "with lime. And you can use the same glass if you're allowed to. No sense in dirtying another one."

He had been drinking plain tonic all night and now decides to spice things up once everyone leaves. Little odd, but not my place to judge.

I did indeed use the same glass, and sat it back in front of him before adding it to his tab. It was making me nervous for even having to present it at the end of the night.

"So what do you do?" he asked sipping on his drink while staring at me intently. I could feel my cheeks turning warm as he looked at me, "and don't tell me this," he smiled, gesturing with his hand at the bar, "what do you do when you're not here."

His eyes made him look genuinely curious, but I've never had a customer be that interested about my personal life before. We had chatted a bit since they had arrived, but I just wasn't used to getting personal with people.

"Outside of this," I repeated, fiddling with the ring on my finger behind the counter, out of view. I had forgotten to take it off, "I take care of my sister, go to school full time, and enjoy every ounce of sleep I can get." I joked.

He smiled. His smile was stunning. "How old is your sister?" he inquired, completely ignoring his drink at this point.

"She's 18. Old enough to be an adult but not old enough to take care of herself." When I was her age I was dealing with a much fuller plate than I would ever wish upon her.

"And school? What are you going for?" he prodded. I must have made a face because he added, "you just seem like such an interesting lady, and I don't feel like leaving yet."

"Well thank you," I felt my face get even warmer, " I'm currently going for my bachelor's degree in Graphic Design. Right in town here. I'll be done soon thankfully. Not that I don't enjoy it, I just am ready to be actually working. I enjoy packaging design, branding, and ad campaigns. I'm not sure of where I'll go to work yet, but it's one thing at a time." that was the most I've let anyone know about me without knowing much about them. However I didn't feel like prodding on his end.

My stomach rumbled as I washed some glasses and sat them on the drying pad. His brow furrowed as he spied the ring on my left hand. "Is that yours?" he asked, taking another sip of his drink.

"Oh, no, it was my mother's."

"So...?"

"Oh!" How could I be so stupid. "My mother passed away when I was 18. This is the last thing of hers I have and that's the only finger it fits on."

"I was just curious." he said taking another sip of his drink, "So, do you have plans after this or is your plan to go home and sleep?" he asked, poking fun at me. Gina came behind the bar to empty the water bucket, and must've been listening the whole time, "Go ahead and go sweetie while the night's still young," she chuckled, "I'll settle his tab while you clock out."

I nodded, "Okay. Thanks Gina."

I used the restroom after I clocked out to actually get a good look at myself in the mirror. I pulled my hair out of the bun and prayed it had stopped raining. When I returned the bar was empty and Ronnie was helping Gina put up chairs. I went behind the bar quick to grab the envelope that had my cash tips in it, cramming it in my purse. That was the good part about people not paying with cards, I had to wait until the next day for those tips.

"Get him out of here before I have to put him on the payroll." she joked and I pulled my sweater on. I smiled as he motioned for me to lead the way.

The rain had stopped but the air still smelled so fresh and everything was quiet. I felt a rush to my head, and my heart was hammering in my chest. "So where to?" I asked as we stood awkwardly in front of the bar.

He shrugged and pulled his hood up, "You lead the way, it's your city."

I pulled my phone out and checked the time: 1:51 AM. Not much would be open. "There's a coffee shop that's still open about 5 minutes from here." I suggested, pulling my keys from my purse, "Actually, they're always open." I was rambling now.

"I'm up for anything." he agreed.

I led the way to my car, wandering across the street, searching my brain for something to say. "So what about you?"

"What about me?" he joked, looking at me over the top of my car while I unlocked it, hopping inside. He closed his door so quietly I wouldn't have noticed his presence if not for waiting for him to answer my question.

"Well what do you do?" I asked, staring the car up and cranking the heat. I wasn't ready to go anywhere yet. Not that I didn't feel safe, I just didn't feel like being around a bunch of people.

"If I talk about what I do and who I am, I'll probably mess this whole night up," he said with a smile, but I just waited patiently for him to continue, "I'm self employed."

"How about this," I said, putting the car into gear, "I lay it all out. 100% my life on the table. An open book, nothing edited out, then will you tell me, not about what you do but who you are?"

"And I lay everything out on the table to same way?" he asked, almost timidly, as we stopped at a light.

"Well, it would be appreciated." I countered.

He put his hood down and ruffled his hair, looking off into space, "Well it's not like I've got anything left to lose."


	2. two

We sat at a small table in the corner of the coffee shop, me looking at everyone and Ronnie looking out the window.

"When I was 18, both my parents died in a car accident. I was the one in the will to take care of my sister. Dad was an anesthesiologist, mom was a dentist." I could feel the tears welling in my eyes, "I was working a shitty grocery store job at the time and Madelyn was still finishing high school. I've squirreled away every penny so that we can afford to go to school. Luckily there's a bunch of aid for our situation but I wouldn't wish it on anyone."

He nodded, solemn looks on both of our faces, and his eyes looked teary as well. "Can we get out of here and walk around? I just feel really claustrophobic."

I nodded. I didn't blame him, an alley would seriously be bigger than this place. We headed out into the night quietly and I wandered with the waterfront in mind.

He took a deep breath, "I've wrote about my life for people I've never even met, and to tell it to someone face to face feels so difficult," he put his hood up again, and I was thankful as he talked that the focus wasn't on me anymore.

"When I grew up it was me, my brother, my dad, and my grandma. My brother died, not while we were young, but still. While it's been time that most people feel I should have gotten over it, I don't think they will ever understand that something like that is something you never 'get over'. I've harbored this resentment for my mother my whole life, wasting time on someone who couldn't even take the time to be around for me." As we walked I tried avoiding the residual puddles, and I heard him laugh as I put my foot in one while trying to avoid another. Part of me was trying to make the situation less tense. I didn't do well with intense subjects.

"I never finished high school. In 2008 I was in a band that got discovered through a radio contest to be an opening act. In 2011 I went to prison for failing to report to my probation officer. I went to prison for drugs and came out a sober, honest, man. I swore all of that shit off. And then I fucked it all up again. I died and I still am confused as to why I was allowed to come back. I met a beautiful woman, she was great. And she was also great at hiding how manipulative she was," he sniffled, whether from the cold or crying I couldn't tell, because my eyes were welled up too. I sat down on the nearest bench, wishing I could see to the stars from here.

He joined me and took another deep breath "Not that it was anyone's fault but my own, I would never pass that off on someone else. I felt confident I would be with her for the rest of my life. She got pregnant, we got engaged, I went on tour again, drank too much too often, fell off the wagon, and fooled around on her. I was honest about it with her because I knew I needed to cut the bullshit out of my life. I was going to have a kid and I figured the honesty might keep us together. But it didn't. She called the cops on me saying I was being violent with her. At that point I figured I deserved whatever was coming to me. She took me for whatever she could. We don't always see eye to eye in our parenting and lifestyle choices, but we are on good terms now. I get to see my daughter every weekend when I'm home. When I'm gone, we make things work. I pay everything I'm supposed to, and I've put enough money away for her to go to school for whatever she wants. I spoil her as much as I can, because I can, and I guess I feel a need to make up for my childhood through her. I just wish I could have full custody but I'll do whatever I can. At the most I'm just happy my name is the one on the birth certificate. " He let out a long exhale before sipping at his coffee. I was honestly at a loss for words, because while I don't know why I was expecting honesty from a stranger, I wasn't expecting that much honesty. All I could do was nod.

We sat without speaking for a few minutes before my mind started turning the gears again.

"Could I see a picture of her?" I asked quietly, "Your daughter, I mean."

He nodded, setting his coffee on the ground, and getting his phone out of his pocket. He searched for a moment before handing the phone over to me. The little dark haired girl beamed in the photo, a screenshot from a FaceTime call. Her eyes glimmered. "Oh my goodness, she's adorable. I don't know what her mother looks like, but I would have to say she takes after you." I handed the phone back to him.

"When I found out I was going to be a dad, I was terrified," he returned his phone to his pocket, picking his coffee back up off of the ground, "but I was sure that I wasn't going to fuck everything up. Then I did. I always feel like I'm learning something new and growing from it, but then I don't trust myself not to mess everything up again."

"Life seems to be one curveball after the next." I took another drink of my coffee. It was almost gone at this point, but I didn't want to be alone yet. I felt safe, there were no warning bells going off in my head for the first time in a long time. "I need to be honest with you about something," as I began to talk, his phone started ringing. I waited for him to answer, since it didn't seem like he wanted to at first.

I peeked as he pulled his phone out of his pocket: Ryan _._

"I'm sorry, I don't want to be rude but I have to take this." He got up off of the bench, pacing as he answered the phone. "Hey man, what's up?" as he paced he threw his coffee away, cramming his hand in his pocket, "No, I'm fine man. I don't know what time I'll be back, I'm just hanging out down by the water right now. Yeah no worries, see you in the morning."

He sat back next to me on the bench. "I'm sorry, am I keeping you too long?" I wondered as I finished my coffee, placing the cup between us on the bench.

"Nope, just a friend calling to check on me. Anyway, you were going to tell me something before you were interrupted. Sorry about that." His eyes seemed genuine and full of concern.

I nodded before looking out over the water, my brow furrowed, "No, you're fine. A few years ago," I let out a breath a hadn't realized I'd been holding, "when I was leaving work one night, I was assaulted by a former coworker. I don't remember much of it, my therapist has been helping me through it, but I can't have kids because of it."

My voice trembled, and I could feel my heart hammering in my throat, "He had Gonorrhea and it caused Pelvic Inflammatory Disease which caused a scar tissue build up. Everything cleared up, but it's just a constant reminder for the rest of my life what happened." Why was I spilling my guts.

"And I haven't been with anyone since it happened. Or really told anyone. So, I don't know what you had in mind tonight, but I just wanted to be upfront about that."

He gave a small nod, before putting an arm around my shoulders, and observed my words in silence the same way I had with his. "It's not your fault. And I appreciate your honesty. I'm past the point in my life where my end game is a single night with someone."

My eyes were a bit watery, and I didn't want to cry, so I just smiled and let out a chuckle, hoping the impending tears would go away. My stomach rumbled loudly, as if it were trying to betray me.

The sky was a pinkish color like it always seemed to be this time of night.

"Do you want to go grab something to eat?" he asked, removing his arm from around my shoulders as he stood, tossing my coffee cup into the garbage.

I laughed, "There won't be much open this time of night, but I'm sure I can find something at my place if you want to join me." I figured Madelyn would be in bed by this point, and I wasn't sure if we had much more than pizza in the freezer and leftover Chinese food in the fridge, but I'm sure there was something to be found.

"Sure thing," he smiled, white teeth gleaming in the little bit of light that there was.


	3. three

"So come on," I prodded as I stood at the stove flipping pancakes, "what kind of a band do you sing for?"

He fidgeted with the beer in his hand, "It's a rock band, to stick with the broad definition, but I'm not giving you the name." he smiled, setting the bottle down on the counter.

"I can respect that," internally I was sort of crushed. Him being a singer meant that we would probably never speak again "Is it a job job or is it something that's fun and you make money from as a benefit?"

"I've always enjoyed it. I don't know what I would be doing otherwise." he seemed somber almost.

The bacon in the other pan was finally beginning to cook and it was spitting grease at me as it did, making me realize I was still in my work clothes, "I gotta go change real quick," I warned him, but I didn't wait for an answer.

I tried to not run up the stairs as to not wake Madelyn. I rummaged through my dresser, throwing on some running shorts and a broken in Motley Crue shirt. If he had a comment about my tattoos, damn he would be a hypocrite. I opened my bedroom door to be greeted by my sisters tired face.

"Hey." I said sheepishly, trying to work my way around her. She didn't budge.

"Why are you making bacon at 3:30 in the morning?" her makeup was smeared around her eyes and her hair was a mess, bright orange curls sticking out from the side of her head.

"I'm not."

"Oh, you're not? Then who is?" she crossed her arms, reminding me of our mother.

"The stove..." I was trying to make her laugh but I could see that it wasn't working well.

"You're not telling me something."

"I'll tell you something in the morning, now go back to bed." I asked, pushing my way around her.

"You better save me some damn bacon." she called after me. I couldn't physically stop her from following me, but she wasn't usually a night owl so I figured I was in the clear.

I came back downstairs to find a pot of coffee brewing and pancakes, eggs, and bacon on plates, with Ronnie putting the last pancake onto a spare plate. Was he trying to be up all night with this coffee?

"Thanks, you didn't have to finish everything." I grabbed the ketchup, syrup, and butter out of the fridge before turning and coming face to face with him.

He moved out of the way so I could set the things on the counter, "So where was your first?" he asked, rummaging through my cupboards.

"Excuse me?" my brow furrowed as I turned the burners off and got silverware out.

"Tattoo. Which one was your first tattoo?" he raised an eyebrow at me incredulously before handing me a mug of coffee. His clarification made me feel a bit dense.

"Oh," my face was hot now, as I pulled up my sleeve to reveal my shoulder, pointing to the skull and roses that were there, "it hurt so much I was laughing and it felt like he was tattooing literally in my armpit."

He traced the outline of it gently, sending a shiver down the back of my neck, "Probably was pushing too hard."

I nodded before grabbing a plate and heading for the dining room. The floor of the old house creaked as he followed behind me.

I turned the light on above the piano and joined him at the table. We ate quietly and it wasn't awkward. I was really enjoying his company.

After we finished eating I could see a slight glimmer in his eyes, "Is that piano tuned? Like could I play it?"

I shrugged, "It should be. But if you wake my sister up it isn't my fault."

He chuckled before taking a seat at the piano, "I'll try and be quiet."

He pressed the dampening pedal and played a couple of chords softly. He repeated the cords and took a breath, beginning to sing quietly.

"Brother, why'd you have to go?  
You left us all so soon.  
Remember that song I wrote about your family years ago?  
Well, they're all waiting for you to come home."

I held my cup, quietly watching him. I took a deep breath as my heart began to pound in my chest, I felt tears welling in my eyes as well.

"What do I do?  
What do I say?  
And Dad tells me to pray.  
So I prayed and prayed but the hurt won't go away.

The pain gets worse, it never stops,  
And I've asked the Lord for us to swap.  
I beg and plead, 'cause you have kids to feed."

He was a damn good singer. I used to be able to play the piano, but doing both at once was impressing.

"Why is it always stormy weather?  
And brother,  
Tell me if it all gets better.  
Why did you leave?  
Why did you die?  
You finally made your brother cry.  
I know you're watching over us tonight,  
And I hope you're watching over us tonight."

The silence rang in my ears as he closed the lid of the piano, drumming his fingers on it before turning around to face me.

"Well, I can see why you do what you do. That was beautiful." I took the last drink of my coffee, running a hand through my hair. Had the heat kicked on?

He grinned, "I don't think anyone has ever called my music beautiful before."

I shrugged, beginning to clear the table, "There's a first time for everything," I didn't really know what to say, the song was still a jumble of words in my brain that I was trying to sort out, to hopefully remember a line of it.

He followed me with the things I couldn't carry and I was beginning to realize I didn't want to sleep because I didn't want him to leave. "So where do you go after this? Where is home for you?" I asked, putting the dirty dishes in the sink and pouring another cup of coffee.

"Home for me is in California. And I have to go back to Canada tomorrow; Ontario for 2 nights and then Quebec." The rest of the coffee pot went into his cup.

I chewed my lip, trying to think of something to say to fill the silence. I sat my mug down, hopping up to sit on the counter. He laughed at my legs dangling back and forth as I kicked them in front of me.

He came to stand next to me, and I scooted over for him to lean against the counter, or sit next to me. There was plenty of room. "So what about you, what kind of music do you like?" he asked, tugging on the hem of my shirt before letting it go. My heart fluttered and jumped into my throat, making my tongue tingle.

I shrugged, "It's usually whatever my sister decides to listen to. Music hasn't really been my thing lately. It's like being in a creative slump of not knowing what to listen to."

I swung my legs back and forth again, a yawn escaping my lips. I was just now getting a good view of the tattoo that ran through his hairline. He had to be a good foot taller than me. 'Un' was all I could see with the way his hair was falling in his face.

As he took another drink of coffee I reached over to push his hair out of the way, holding it back so I could read. "Unbreakable," I whispered. He had a doe-eyed look on his face as he looked up at me, setting his cup down on the counter.

"You know," he started, placing his hands on the counter on either side of me as I removed my hand from his hair, my knees resting against his stomach "If I knew you were okay with it, I would probably kiss you right now."

I felt light headed, like the feeling that a first crush gives you in middle school, like a rush of fresh spring air was being forced into my lungs, "I think," I said, as I adjusted myself so my legs weren't being pushed against him, resting my forehead against his, attempting to hide from the smoldering look he was giving me. "I think, that I would be more than okay with that."

He didn't hesitate. His lips were instantly on mine. I felt his hands on my waist as I ran my fingers through his hair, leaving one hand there as the other traced circles on the back of his neck. There was no holding back, it just felt _right_.

His hands gently crept under my shirt, warm, resting on my back as he pulled me closer.

I pulled away, leaning against the cupboard behind me, taking a deep breath as I closed my eyes. I could feel he was watching me.

"Did I do something to upset you?" he asked, taking his hands from under my shirt and resting them gently on my knees.

I smiled, but shook my head, "Not at all. But, um," I was at a loss for words, "would you want to watch a movie or something?" I wasn't trying to make it feel awkward, but it just happened.

"Yeah, sure thing." He didn't seem offended. Maybe it wasn't as awkward as I thought.

"Okay. I'll be right back." I quickly disappeared to the bathroom, my heart daring to beat to death. I splashed my face with water quickly. My brain was racing. _What if something happens? What if he wants something more? What about when he has to leave?_ I fought off the thoughts: _What about what I want?_


	4. four

He had found some D list horror movie in the deep depth of Netflix while I was talking myself down in the bathroom. I didn't want to check the time. Luckily I would be able to sleep in tomorrow. I sat next to him on the couch, glancing occasionally at new tattoos that had been revealed by the removal of his hoodie. God damn.

I was curled up under a blanket and I could feel my eyes getting heavy, sleep pulling me in. I don't know how long I thought I could fight it. I yawned, laying my head on his shoulder. I heard him chuckle before he shifted, wrapping his arm around me and laying his head on mine. Whatever we were watching was super gory, and he sat unflinching as I covered and closed my eyes.

"Do you want to pick something else? I really just clicked on the first thing I saw." He admitted, pulling the blanket around me fully.

"No, it's fine." I uncovered my eyes, resting my hand on his chest, but kept my eyes closed, another yawn sneaking out.

"Do you want me to let you sleep?" He asked, tracing lines up and down my fingers.

Sleep implied leaving. I knew it was the reality, but as I felt his heart beat beneath my hand I hoped that I could stretch the night out as long as possible.

I shook my head, throwing the blanket over him as well and wrapping my arm around him. I felt him smile and he shifted himself trying to get comfortable once again.

I fought as hard as I could but it wasn't long before sleep pulled me under.

When I woke in the morning I was still on the couch, tucked in carefully under the same blanket from last night. Earlier? Either way, I was alone and my heart fell to my feet once this realization hit me. The sun shone through the blinds and the birds chirped but all I could feel was like a cloud hung over me.

I got up, heading to the kitchen to put on some coffee. I found a loaded, running, dishwasher and my phone next to the coffee pot. Madelyn's bus pass was gone off of the fridge. What time even was it? I grabbed my phone and saw it was noon. I didn't have to be to classes until 4:30. I started the coffee brewing and decided to just play around on my phone while I waited. When I unlocked it my notepad was open with a new note that said "Pick Me!".

I held my breath as I opened it.

 _'Sorry for the weird title, I just didn't want this to get mixed up in all the grocery lists. I'm sorry for leaving without waking you up to say goodbye. I really regret having to leave, and I would love to be able to see you again. Frequently maybe, even. I understand we both have obligations right now and I would like to find a way to work around our schedules._ '

Holy shit. He took the time to write this out for me.

' _And I'll open the can of worms so you don't have to dig around to find out who I am. My name is Ronnie Radke. I used to be the singer for Escape the Fate. I am the current singer for Falling in Reverse. Now that you know that, know this: if you listen to my music, don't take offense and know I have a weird sense of humor._

 _If you feel like you still want to talk to me you can text or call me. My number is in your phone. The doors for our show are at 6pm your time, so if you try to get ahold of me then, I won't answer, my phone is off._

 _I think that's it._

 _And no, if you text me as soon as you see this I won't think it's needy, but I might be sleeping._

 _Take care, Ronnie_ ✌?'

I closed my phone and poured a cup of coffee, "Thank God it wasn't just a dream."


	5. five

I crept up the bus stairs quietly to find Ryan and Zakk still up in the common area, playing Xbox.

"Damn, you guys didn't have to wait up for me, I can find my way home." I said before grabbing a bottle of water out of the mostly empty fridge. Someone had gotten pizza.

"Where the hell did you run off to?" Zakk asked, not taking his eyes off of the screen, and hammering the trigger as if he were trying to break the controller.

I sat down at the table, legs out the side to face them. "Met a beautiful woman."

"Did you finally get laid?" Zakk quipped. He was winning so he was all for conversation, which made sense when all Ryan did was chuckle at his jab.

"Well, since I pretty much kiss and tell the whole world, no, I didn't, and it was honestly pretty great." I answered as I took another swig out of the water bottle. 10 years ago I never would have thought those words would be leaving my mouth.

"Since when is not getting laid great?" Christian asked, emerging from his bunk and sitting down in the chair, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Since we got the whole 'hey here's all the emotional baggage I have' part out of the way?" I tried to not sound sour, because it was honestly a sense of relief having all that shit off of my conscience. It was like a weight had been lifted, she wouldn't have to go Google me to find out about all the skeletons in my closet.

"Fair enough," Zakk relented setting the controller down.

"Wait. Was it the bartender chick?" Ryan asked, drinking the rest of his soda.

"Yeah," not like they couldn't have guessed anyway, I think I spent more time talking to and watching her than I spent talking to them, "why?"

"Well, I mean, she didn't look like she was our age...She looked pretty young." This was the most concerned Ryan had been about much in awhile. He's usually pretty relaxed. It wasn't something I was overly concerned with. And she didn't look that young. At least she didn't act like it, but for the shit she's been through that'll make you grow up quick.

I shrugged, tossing the bottle as I got up. "Just have to wait and see, I guess. What's the worst it could be, 5 or 6 years apart? I honestly don't think she's as young as you think she is. I'll hopefully hear from her later."

I ignored their chatter and catcalling as I went and plugged my phone in, grabbing clean underwear, and heading for a shower.

I got the water as hot as I could, trying to make myself relax for once in awhile. The soothing feeling of the water however couldn't keep my heart from racing. I felt torn. I love performing but I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to go to the next city. 10 more dates and then tour would be over. I could make it that long.

I hummed to myself as I washed my hair, no clue who's shampoo it was, but I didn't feel like getting back out to find my own.

Last I had checked the time it was way too late, but when I woke up we would be in Canada again. I dried myself off and climbed into my bunk, doodling in the corner of a new page in my notebook, hoping my brain would make some words that make sense.

 _hey girl, let's get out of here_

That was as far as I got before letting my head hit the pillow.

I woke up some time later as everyone stumbled back to their own beds. I started to replay parts of our conversations in my head. I tried to feel if we were moving yet, but I had gotten too used to sleeping on the road that I couldn't tell.

In a way, I wished I had snooped on her a little more, found her driver's license or something so I knew how old she was. Hell, I would even be happy with her last name. I didn't even take her phone number when I left that note in her phone. I tried to stop thinking to fall back asleep but it was no use. I remembered her address, since I saw it on the map when the Uber picked me up, but I would feel really creepy trying to find her that way.

After a quick bit of searching I put my phone away to try and just will myself back to sleep.

The next time I woke up my phone was ringing loudly from under my pillow. I checked it quickly to see it was a FaceTime call from Crissy. And it was Noon here, so it had to be, what, 8 in the morning back home?

I answered the call, walking to the common area of the now moving bus to get some light.

"Hi Daddy!" Willow beamed, waving at the phone, curly hair held out of her eyes with a pink clip.

No matter what mood I was in she was always able to make me smile. "Hi sweetheart. How are you this morning?" What was today, Wednesday? Yeah, that sounded right.

"Mommy's making me pancakes," she said, bouncing around on the couch, "when will you be home daddy?"

She knew how to make me smile and make my heart shatter at the same time.

"Very soon. Today is the first day of March, and I'll be there to see you on the 10th day of March. So just a few more days." It was hard to explain sometimes why I had to be gone so long.

"Okay Daddy. I love you!" She beamed, showing off her little teeth.

"I love you, too. Go have some breakfast, okay?"

She nodded and hung up the phone. It scared me how quick she was to figure out technology.

Ryan came out from his bunk, shielding his eyes from the bright light.

"How's the little one?" He asked through a yawn, sitting down across from me.

"Even though I talk to her everyday I know she's going to look so different when I get back."

I frequently have nightmares about going away and when I come back that she's aged years in the blink of an eye. I'm afraid of missing the important things, but I've cornered myself into the work that I have and I don't regret what I do.

"Heard from the bartender yet?" He joked as my phone vibrated on the couch next to me. Not a contact in my phone, unfamiliar area code.

Unlocking my phone the blue text bubble said: _He_ y. The grey bubble popped up beneath it as they began to type again. I exited to the main screen of my phone quicker than I ever had before. The message popped up on the screen once it came through: _It's_ _Julianne_ _._

"Yeah, actually I have." I was awestruck. What was I getting myself into?

"Oh, cool," he turned the TV on, but didn't do more than that, "does she know you're old yet?"

I grabbed the pillow from the other end of the couch, chucking it at him, "Fuck off, man," I laughed, "35 is like the new 20."

"Well then she's an infant," he quipped, but I didn't have anything to throw at him this time.

I opened the message, staring at it, not knowing what exactly to say. How do I play it cool after pretty much asking her out since I thought I would never hear from her ever again? There's no returning from that.

 _Hey Sleeping Beauty_ _how's_ _your morning going?_

Maybe that was starting off a little too strong.

I really needed to brush my teeth. 


	6. six

My phone hummed as I took another sip of coffee: **New Message**.

I opened my phone to see I actually had gotten a response from him. He really wasn't trying to mess with me. _Hey Sleeping Beauty how's your morning going?_

I went and got my laptop before curling back up on the couch. I had been resisting the urge to type his name in on Google now that I knew it. I wanted to give him the same chance that I would give everyone else, which isn't fair when he has more of a public personal life than anyone I had ever met. So I instead sat cuddling my laptop as I decided how to answer.

 _So far so good I guess. Someone decided to run my dishwasher so that was a nice surprise to wake up to._ I hit send, it wasn't exciting, but it was the truth. I needed to work on homework but that wasn't going too well at this point.

My eyes wandered around the living room to see his hoodie folded up neatly on the floor. I grabbed that and my laptop and headed upstairs to my room, throwing my laptop on the bed and his hoodie in the laundry while I tried to find clean clothes to wear for the day.

My phone buzzed: **New Message**.

 _See the hardest part wasn't being quiet, it was figuring out the delay start on that thing. What's on your agenda for the day?_

Madelyn almost got credit for that. The little grey dots popped up again before disappearing. I waited. Texting was sometimes harder than talking to people on the phone. I didn't want to cut off whatever he was planning on saying.

 _Not too much, food, go to school at 4:30, when I'm done come back home and sleep. Did you make it to Canada yet?_

It was actually pretty easy talking to him when he wasn't here to get me all flustered. The thought of how flustered he made me made my face get warm. I left my phone open on my dresser as I wandered around the room sipping my coffee.

The phone vibrating on the dresser was loud. _Possibly? I'm really not sure, I just woke up not too long ago._

Then another bubble popped up underneath. _Are you allergic to or afraid of dogs?_

 _Not allergic that I'm aware of. And I guess I would say I like dogs. Why?_

Was the message even for me? That seemed like an obscure kind of a question. I decided to run a bath to loosen up my back. Sleeping on couches always made my back sore. And I could go for another cup of coffee I guess.

I grabbed towels out of the hallway and headed back to the bathroom, swiping my phone and cup off of the dresser before heading to the kitchen. _**New Message.**_

I unlocked my phone to see a picture of a black and white, what kind of dog was that, a pit bull? The dog was laying at someone's feet on a leather couch.

 _His name is Charlie. He's a big baby, and he just likes to cuddle. He wouldn't hurt a fly._

Was he justifying his choice of pet to me? I liked dogs, I just wasn't really sure if I was a dog person, or a cat person, or even a pet person, but he was a cute dog.

 _Did you bring him with you? Is Charlie in Canada too?_

I turned the bath water off, pulling my hair up out of the way, and discarding my garments before getting in the tub, resting my phone and coffee on the edge of the tub. The water felt hotter than I would have liked, but it may just have been because my feet were cold.

 _Yeah, he is with me. He has his own ear protectors for when he comes to watch the shows. Most of the time he just hangs out on the bus though when we are doing a show._

More grey dots popped up on the screen before I could even answer.

 _So listen, I'm not good at asking questions, but when I get done with this and get back home, if I got you a plane ticket would you come and visit me?_

I really didn't know what to say. My heart was in my throat again and I felt nervous. Did I want to? Absolutely. Would my sister freak out on me for visiting some man I just met in another state? Absolutely. Would it be nice to get out of here for a change? Absolutely.

 _When would that be? When do you get back? Because I would say yes if it worked out to be over my spring break._

The water was starting to cool off at this point, but I didn't want to get out yet, so I let some water out, running more hot water into the tub to replace it.

 _Well, we might be done earlier than expected. We are supposed to be done the March 10, but we might knock two days off, which would make it March 7 when we're done. When is your spring break?_

There was no reason that things should be working out like this. It usually happens that when things start to go right, that there is a bump in the road or something like that, but if they got done on the 7th, that made me going to see him a total possibility.

 _My spring break starts on the Friday the 3rd, technically the night of the 2nd, and then I have class again the afternoon of the 13th._

This felt so otherworldly to be agreeing to this, I felt like I wasn't being myself, but that might not be a bad thing at this point.

 _Okay, so if your flight left on the 7th, would that work for you? What about your sister, what will she do while you're gone? If it wouldn't be weird for you she could come too, but I understand at the same time if you didn't want her to._

The water was at the very edge of the tub by this point. I quickly turned it off before it would make a huge mess all over the floor.

 _Yeah, the 7th would definitely work, if that isn't too soon for you. I'm sure you want some time to unwind, see your daughter, unpack. Maybe even the 9th, since I want you to be able to have some time to yourself. And I will have to talk to her, she will probably ask too many questions for her own good._

I let out a heavy sigh, taking a big drink of my coffee.

 _9th sounds like a great idea to me. Gerald R. Ford airport is by you right? I probably need a picture of your driver's license, I don't think the TSA will be happy if the names don't match on the tickets._

I looked through my camera roll on my phone. I knew I did have a picture of my driver's license on there somewhere from doing student loan things. I would need to go talk to Gina and see about getting the weekend off of work, she had already given me the week when she found out it was my spring break, and I didn't like asking for the time off of work, but I knew she wouldn't mind giving it to me.

 _Yeah, that would be the one. And tickets?_

I sent the photo over of my license, maybe he needed my address too for something? I had never bought a plane ticket before, let alone been on a plane.

 _Yeah, I figured I'll just get them both, if she decides not to come with you, then I can just have it refunded or something, I'll figure it out._

I could feel the tension being held in my neck as I thought about how to talk to Madelyn about all of this. I guess it would just be one step at a time.

 _Okay, sounds like a plan. I'll hear from you later? I have to go get some stuff done, but if I don't hear from you before your show, I'll still be up probably afterwards if you feel like talking at all._

Too needy?

 _Yeah, that sounds good to me, I'll talk to you later, Julianne :D_

What was I getting myself into?


	7. seven

I sat in Gina's office, drinking a cup of coffee while she showed me a couple new pictures of her niece and nephew on her phone. Twins. The place wasn't open yet, so it was kind of nice to just sit and chat with her. She had swept Madelyn and me under her wing once my parents were gone and I couldn't ask for a better boss and friend. She had married young at gotten divorced, never had kids, so I think we were filling those spaces in each other's lives in that way.

"Oh before I forget," she said, reaching down to unlock her desk drawer, "here's from last night."

She handed me an envelope with my name on it. My tips. Normally our envelopes were just left in our lockers, no one ever doubted the system, but I preferred to just come pick them up, that way nothing ever went missing. "Oh thanks, I would have probably forgotten, too." I put it in my lap, I always dreaded looking, what if there wasn't as much money as I was hoping there was?

"Nah, I wouldn't let you forget. How'd you know the guy you left with last night, you've never told me about him before. He looked too old to be a student, is he like a teacher or something?" The idea of that made me want to laugh. Old? She scribbled something on her calendar before looking back up at me, her eyes were telling me to tell the truth, she could coax it out of anyone.

I pulled a face, taking a drink of my coffee, "Uh, I didn't. He just came in with that big group and was buying everyone's drinks. He sat at the bar and felt like talking." I bit my lip, trying to hold back a grin as I felt a shock run through me thinking about that kiss.

She raised her eyebrows before pulling out a manilla folder and digging through it, placing an itemized receipt down in front of me. My eyes traveled down the long list of drinks. I remember making them. Prices were all right, everything was there. I could tell her who ordered what if I had to. No one was over-served. I was almost ready to ask what I was looking for before I saw it. It was Ronnie's receipt: $200 bar tab, which for how many of them came in I thought was exceptionally tame, with a $300 tip.

A $300 tip.

"Holy shit." I really couldn't say anything other than that. I was blown away. Not that I hadn't received a decent tip before, but not like that.

"Yeah. I Googled him," her voice sounded, what, pissed, "I almost called you to make sure you were okay."

I shook my head, trying to make words. What was she talking about? He was a sweetheart, we talked too much for me to have anything to worry about. "He told me everything I needed to know, and I did the same, I don't think there's anything you're going to find that I can't find out straight from the horse's mouth." I finished my coffee, setting the cup down on the desk. My leg twitched, it felt like the temperature in her office had dropped about 20 degrees.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into Julianne. He was in prison," she was tapping the pen on the calendar, glancing at her computer screen. The receipt was still between us on the desk.

"I know," my face was getting red, the bad kind of flustered.

"In solitary confinement for half of his sentence," she tilted her head in the way she would when customers were getting unruly, "for fighting with other inmates. He cheated on his fiancée. He beat the crap out of the girl he dated before Jenna King. He overdosed on Oxy and Xanax, and-"

"Can you just stop, please. I am not a child. You're making this out like it's going to be another incident like what happened with Matt, and I don't want you to think that you need to watch over me-" I was getting frustrated, I did not like confrontation, and Gina was trying to hand my ass to me.

"I have to watch over you. If I wouldn't have caught Matt when I did who knows what else he would have done to you."

I closed my eyes, a shiver running through my body as I took a deep breath, a feeling of dread washing over me.

"I do not want to continue this conversation right now," opening my eyes, Gina wouldn't look at me, "or maybe ever. I came here to ask for the weekend of my spring break off. I've had some plans come up, and I know it's not too far away, but-"

"Yeah, that's fine. Go home and do your homework, Julianne." She closed the laptop, resting her forehead in her hand.

I crammed the envelope in my purse, fighting to keep in the tears as I left her office, heading out the back to my car. I understood that she was looking out for me, but she was not delicate about it in the least.

I sat in the car with my eyes closed for the longest time, wanting to forget, but snippets, the parts I remembered of that night, flashed before my eyes. It played like an old film reel in behind my eyelids, sputtering to life, getting caught in spots.

 _Closing up the bar, the smell of the cleaner coming from the kitchen was overpowering. Lemon. A few of us were punched out and Gina bought everyone a drink, tired kitchen crew and the last couple of servers all sat together at the front of the bar. It wasn't a regular thing, but if it had been a particularly stressful night, everyone got a drink. Being the youngest, Gina took sympathy on me being underage and would slide me one too, Gin and Tonic was my favorite._ My stomach turned at the thought of it, now Gin would probably make me vomit just on the principle. _After most everyone left it was an undrinking Matt, Gina, Josh and I. The phone rang in Gina's office, Josh headed out the back to go home, and I had to head to the bathroom. My drink was halfway full, and I didn't know if I could even finish the rest. I fixed my shoulder length hair in the mirror, before heading back out to the bar. Gina and Matt were talking, something about something they needed in the kitchen. "Well, I better go write it down or I won't remember to get it." She took back off to her office, and I decided I might as well finish my drink, there was no point in letting it go to waste. I stuck the lime down in the glass, trying to get the salt taste that had developed to go away. Was the glass not washed good enough? How didn't I notice it before?_

 _"Did you put salt in my drink?" I asked Matt, who was on the stool next to me drinking a soda._

 _He laughed, "No, why would I do that? It's not a margarita, so that would be gross."_

 _Maybe I was just tired, I turned back to look at my drink and it was like everything had a trail behind it that I looked at, I closed my eyes, trying to fight off nausea. I could feel it in my stomach and in my mouth. I just wanted to be home in my bed._

That was the most I wanted to remember, but I had been filled in on the details, and even thinking about the rest of the story made me want to vomit. It was a dark place, and I didn't want to dive back down that deep right now.

I wiped the tears from my eyes, starting the car. I only had an hour until class started, and despite what Gina had said, my homework was done, even though we were probably going to get time in class to work on it anyway. At this point, I might as well leave my car here and walk to the school, better than going back home and catching the bus.

I took the keys out of the ignition, grabbing my backpack, and put my headphones in my ears. It was one of the best ways to get beggars to not ask for money. The tears had dried but they were still threatening to escape from my eyeballs. I picked the first song on Spotify I saw, but it was just kind of there, I couldn't focus on the words.

I dug through my purse as I walked, looking for the stray pack of cigarettes. It wasn't a daily thing, just a stress thing, and they were like a security blanket for me. The Bic didn't want to work at first, but I eventually got a light out of it. My hands shook as I walked along, not realizing I was almost there. My body was on autopilot at this point.

I stood outside, finishing the rest of the cigarette before stomping it out and heading into the building. I really wanted to go back to last night right now, I would rather feel safe and warm than distant and cold, but here we are.


	8. eight

12 years. Dammit. She was 12 years younger than me? There's no way she was only 21.

I felt something sink in my stomach. She had to know at this point that I was that much older than her. Or maybe she didn't care? Shit.

I had my computer on the kitchenette table and had been looking through shit for awhile, but my mind kept going back to it. She is the same age as I was when I joined Escape the Fate. That seemed like a lifetime ago at this point. She would have been in kindergarten when I was in high school. Putting it into that context truly made me creep myself out.

Everyone was getting ready, we had been here for maybe an hour, and the group vote was to go get food. I didn't care where we went, Christian, Zakk, and Ryan had each picked a different place, and Derek didn't care as long as we didn't go to Salad King, which was Zakk's pick, because he didn't want to eat Thai food. We were as indecisive as children.

I closed my laptop, it wasn't doing anything except losing battery at this point. I got my phone out, and without thinking, started looking through her Instagram. It took some looking to find her. She was fucking beautiful. Crissy had been too, but this was different. Julianne was actually genuine. I could feel it radiating from her and hear it in the way she spoke. I wasn't going to fuck it up this time. _Which is what you tell yourself every time._

Most of the pictures were of her art or coffee, but one of her, from Christmas, caught my attention. In the picture was the girl from the show last night that Vic had brought up on stage. Curled bright orange hair. They let her come backstage and she was chatty but very polite. I could hear the words in my head, her conversation with Ryan.

 _"Yeah, there's a really good bar, not even a half mile from here, on, oh I won't give you street names it doesn't make a difference anyway." She smiled, her eyes practically gleamed as she spoke, "If you go out front of here go left, and at the first street make a right. Then there's a street on your left, down more there are two one-way streets on your right, and then not the first full street, but the next one, make a left. After that, it's like the fourth building down on your left side. Red neon sign out front, can't miss it."_

I stared at the photo, they were both grinning like fools at the camera, the house wasn't Julianne's, but there was a nicely decorated Christmas tree with presents behind them.

 _So, I'm going to get a little bit sappy for a minute. Christmas the last few years has been a tough time for us. It's weird going from having our family under one roof to it being the two of us and visiting graves at holidays and birthdays, and it doesn't get any easier on your heart over time, you just find different ways to manage the emptiness. But, I am glad I haven't had to go through it all alone, although I wouldn't wish this on anyone. My sister has been my rock and shoulder to cry on, even in the moments when I should have been being strong for her. Even though we annoy each other, I couldn't do it without her. We have had amazing friends to help us through, and I wouldn't want to spend the holiday season with anyone else!_

I wasn't sure if I needed that whole bonding over loss thing in my life again, all that aside though, I was impatiently waiting to be back home. Sleep in my own bed, see my daughter, Julianne coming to visit. So the girl was Madelyn. I give her props for sending us to her sister's work. Sounds like they would have a lot to talk about now.

"Ready to go, lover boy?" Ryan slid into the booth across from me, staring me down.

"I guess so. And you can get the 'I told you so' out of your system before we leave." I said, handing him my phone, the picture of Julianne's driver's license.

"Holy shit," he chuckled, zooming in on the picture, "she's fuckin' 21! I told you she was just a kid," he gave me my phone back, shaking his head, "wait, how'd you get her to send you a picture of her driver's license?" I put my phone away, staring at him over the top of my glasses, moving my eyes so I didn't have to look at him, but I couldn't suppress the laugh I was holding back because I knew the face I was making was ridiculous.

"Uh, I asked her if she wanted to come to visit me when the tour was over, and she said yeah, so I told her I needed a picture of her driver's license to order the plane ticket." I was pretty sure his head hadn't stopped shaking yet. I stood up, tucking strands of hair behind my ears.

"So, she going to fly to California to visit a complete stranger?"

"Apparently."

"Are we still cutting it short?"

I nodded, rubbing my eyes, "Unfortunately. The last two dates didn't sell like they should've to make it worth it for us all to go out there, so they called it off." I shrugged, it was a decision more than we had anything to do with. Crown the Empire was ready to be done being a band anyway, no clue what happened there. I think everyone was getting tired of being crammed in moving buses and tiny bunks. Lack of personal space can become dehumanizing after long enough.

I finally found my shoes and crammed them on as the rest of the group joined us. Someone had already gotten an Uber, which meant they had decided where we were going.

I checked my phone. Nothing.

"We're getting sushi," Derek said as we got into the vehicle that came to pick us up.

"How is sushi different from Thai. I thought not wanting Thai meant that you didn't want any asian foods?"

"Nah, it's completely different,"

"Well yeah, I know it's different, I wasn't saying all asian food is the same."

Sushi it is.


	9. nine

I sat in class, and sure enough, nothing was actually due today. Everything Gina said to me kept wandering back into my thoughts. I tried to act like I was working on what I was supposed to be doing, but I was just holding back tears.

It didn't help when I checked my email and saw that she was just trying to fuel the fire. _Are you kidding me?_ The email was just a bunch of links to various blog and tabloid websites. My stomach flipped. I felt like everyone was watching me. I knew they weren't but it felt like it. Maybe it was how late I stayed up that had me paranoid.

I couldn't be here right now. I closed my laptop and packed up my backpack. I left without saying anything, which worked in my favor since someone needed help on the computer, my instructor didn't have time to ask me why I was leaving.

I didn't feel like walking home, but I didn't want to ride the bus. I put my headphones in and started walking anyway. It wouldn't take me long. I just wanted to crawl in bed at this point though.

Luckily there was no snow, it was actually kind of nice considering it was February, but that didn't mean it was warm. I managed to make it home quickly, beating my quickest time home ever.

Madelyn jumped as I came in the door, spilling coffee on the counter, "What are you doing home?"

I shook my head, "Bad day." I put my stuff in the dining room, trying to ignore her staring at me.

I could feel her eyes on me as she followed me from room to room. "Nah, I can tell that's more than a bad day."

"How was your concert last night?"

I sat on the couch, and she was grinning, holding her new cup of coffee, "It was awesome. I got sang to." I could tell from the glazed over look in her eyes she was off in lala land.

"Yeah that's kind of what happens at concerts, everyone gets sang to." She sat down next to me, pausing the movie she had just begun shortly before I got home.

"Not like that though, I got pulled up on stage," her face was priceless, I loved it when she got all bragging, high on life, "It makes me so sad that Vic Fuentes has a girlfriend 'cause he's so adorable."

"Even if he didn't have a girlfriend, isn't he twice your age?" _Shit, how do I tell her about Ronnie? I mean, I can't not tell her._

"Probably." She admitted with a shrug. We were more alike than she would like to admit, I could see it as I watched her. I wondered what mom would think of us now, the way we were. I knew she would love us no matter what, but we were so different now. I was going to cry if I kept this up.

"How was work last night?" she didn't usually ask about work, but I appreciated her being polite.

I thought about Ronnie and tried to not grin. To not give it away. "Honestly, I made bank." I laughed, "There was a huge group of people that came in around maybe 11, but other than that it was oddly slow." I sighed. She seemed to be looking for something in this story that I hadn't gotten to yet.

I bit my lip, I couldn't hide it from her, "And I may have met a guy."

"Like at work?"

"Yeah, he came in with that big group of people. He was really sweet." She grinned.

"Did you get his number?"

Well, technically, "Yeah I did."

"Well, who is he? I might know who he is."

I held my breath. It was literally the moment of truth. Madelyn probably _would_ know who he was. I just really needed to vent about the whole Gina thing and I couldn't do that until I was honest with her.

"Why do you think you know everyone?" I could see that I was not getting out of this, she just sipped her coffee and blinked at me, "Um, he's a singer."

Her eyes widened, "It wasn't Vic Fuentes was it?"

"No! You just told me he has a girlfriend."

"Yeah, but still." She pondered for a minute, "Wait, was it Andy Leo?"

"Who? When did this turn into a guessing game anyway?" Was she only guessing singers from the concert last night?

Her eyes were huge, her mouth dropped, "No." She sat her coffee down on the end table, slapping her knee.

"No?" I was confused, but she was pretty sure of what she was talking about.

"No. No way. No, fucking, way."

"Watch your damn mouth."

" _Ronnie Radke_?" She asked, and my heart hammered in my chest. She sounded displeased, but hopefully, it was just shock taking over.

I gave her a blank look before slowly nodding.

" _No fucking way!_ " I was being hit with a pillow in her excitement.

"Yeah, you and I seem to be the only ones who are excited."

"Wait, why, what happened?"

Through the impending tears, I gave her the entire story from when I met Ronnie to everything that happened with Gina today. Her nods and gasps in the story were entertaining and made me laugh. Even through the laughing and tears I felt like there was a cloud hanging over my head, and talking about it wasn't making it go away.

"So, are you going to go and see him?" She had calmed down enough now to actually ask me a question about the situation.

I shrugged, "I want to, and I already said I would, but I don't know. Thinking about it now, doesn't it seem kind of crazy to run away and see someone I just met?"

"I mean," she took another sip of her coffee before continuing, "If I didn't know you were going out there, and it was just some random guy that no one knew who he was, then yes it would be stupid. But, from everything you told me, you had no problem bringing him here last night. You brought a stranger here, and you're a stranger still to him, so it's basically the same thing."

I laughed, "I don't know if I like it or not that you're rationalizing this for me."

"Once in a life time thing."


	10. ten

This night was not going how I wanted it to. The show was fine, soundcheck went well. I only kind of paid attention to Crown the Empire before I decided to head back to the dressing room. The problem was I didn't make it that far.

"Well hello, Mr. Radke, how are you?" She stood there in her 5 foot 8 inch glory, head to toe black. Tight dress, leather jacket, leather choker. Stupid fucking big hat inside. And those goddamn Christian LouBoutin shoes. There was $995 I would never get back.

"How are you doing tonight?" It was like she purred, with the stiletto nails she literally had claws. "What, cat got your tongue?" I swear that woman was a cat herself. Not a nice one though, not a house cat. More like one that would eat you alive.

The light bulb that hung above the two of us flickered, stage hands walked past and around us, but my feet felt glued in place.

"Well, I was much better about ten minutes ago, honestly." I wanted to walk around her, I needed to go eat something before the show that wasn't sushi, but I didn't want to have to move her out of my way and have anymore contact than I needed to. I had made that mistake before.

"Why, worried your new piece of ass will find out that she can't hold a candle to me?" Panther. Did panthers eat people?

"What in the actual fuck are you talking about?" I held my breath, waiting. We hadn't been in contact since the last tour and she just shows up throwing stones already.

"Just because I don't talk to you, doesn't mean I don't talk to anyone around you. She's just a child, Ronnie."

She called my bluff, there was nowhere I could go from there. _How the fuck did she find out already though?_ In literally one night she was acting like she knew more about my personal life than I did. I could feel my heart racing in my chest. Luckily she was wrong about Julianne. She wasn't just some girl.

"Marie, you know why things didn't work, can't you just fucking let it go?"

"What, things didn't work because I wanted to spend time with you uninterrupted? To have it be just us?" I swear, everything had to fucking be about her. I thought I was bad.

"Point number one, yes, exactly. My daughter is my fucking world, and thankfully we never got to the point of you meeting her. Point number two, we make plans to go out and then I find you in bed with someone else. How the fuck does that seem like a good idea to you?" Reel it back in. Deep breath.

"Well if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black. We weren't even a thing because you wouldn't make it one, so I would say you missed out." She took a few steps toward me, her eyes gleaming in the minimal light that there was.

"And you know what, I am so grateful that I missed out. I'll admit it, I've been in your position, and you think you're just going to do it once, but until you wake up and realize you're the problem, everything is going to be the same, Marie. You're always going to think there's sweeter fruit on a different tree. I'm glad I was able to avoid whatever mess you would have created."

She laughed, and in all the terrible things I've heard in my life, her laugh sent a shiver down my spine like no other. She kept coming toward me, putting her hand on my chest as she leaned in, whispering in my ear, "Oh, sweetheart, it's only just the beginning." I closed my eyes as she pressed her lips to my cheek before walking off behind me.

I didn't need food at this point, I needed fresh fucking air. I ended up outside in a daze, checking my pockets. Phone? Check. Wallet? Check. Vape? Check.

I took a long draw off of it before heading back inside.

I had hoped in my last interactions with Marie that she would be mature, and possibly never contact me again, but that hadn't been the case. Now that she knew that something was going on with Julianne who knew what she would do.

 _In the case of extreme food shortage, a black panther may feed on human flesh._

I plugged my phone in and turned it off. I just wanted silence.


End file.
